A Pocketful of Olsens

I have been a disaster in the kitchen lately. Last night, Andrew was trying to make microwave popcorn for a snack while I cooked dinner. He got everything right but was confused on the time and kept putting it in for one minute. I took over and put it in for three minutes. Well, it had already gone in for a minute, then another. It started popping pretty quick, but of course I went right back to cooking dinner. I looked over after a minute and smoke was pouring out of the microwave. ORVILLE REDENBACHER! I don't think that was what I shouted, but we'll pretend it was, kay? Horrible fumes, cough, cough.....must open the door. Left door open for quite a while, lit scented candle. It still smelled this morning....sigh. Left for work. Fast forward 12 hours. Yes, TWELVE HOURS. Work sucked, got stuck there a couple hours beyond my shift. Entered the house, which actually smelled quite a bit better...phew! Starving kids, starving me....hurry and got the dog out to use the bathroom, then went downstairs to try to ruin the kitchen again, aka cook dinner. Two steps into the kitchen and I hear "Mommy! C'mere!" from Maddie. Me: What? Maddie: There's a bird in the house! Me: WHAT??!!! Maddie: There's a bird in the house! I just saw it fly out of the Christmas tree! Me: Very funny! You're just kidding, right? Maddie: Mom, I'm not joking-come here and look! It's on the floor next to the tree. Up the stairs, around the couch.............ruh-row! There is a finch on the floor next to the tree. Me: It came out of the Christmas tree? Maddie: Yup. Me: Get the dog! Get the dog before he sees it! Pick up Watson, deposit him in our bedroom with Andrew. Andrew, being nervous at being left alone in a room with any dog, even sweet Watson, immediately tries to exit the room. Me: Andrew, there is a BIRD in the house! The bird picks this moment to fly back up to the tree. Andrew SCREAMS: OH MY GOSH! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? OH MY GOSH! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Bird flips out and starts flying from perch to perch. So, this is what I was trying to avoid with the dog. Me: Andrew, in here with the bird or in there with the dog--CHOOSE! Andrew picks Watson and runs back in the bedroom. Maddie: What do we do? Should we call Nana? (Notice she picks my stepmother for wild animal help and NOT my husband or father-tee, hee) Me: No, let's try to get it out first. If we can't get it out after a little while, THEN we'll call Nana. (and not Poppa or your Dad) Used the following game plan: turned on the porch lights and Christmas tree lights, left front door wide open, turned off all the lights in the house to try to get the bird attracted to the light......BUT................ Maddie and I were too nervous in the dark not being able to see the bird, so we tried strategically turning lights off and on and throwing objects near where the bird was to scare the bird closer to the door. The bird didn't get it--he thought we were playing angel on the tree, light fixture, stereo, bookshelf, light fixture, repeat.....over and over..........and over. At one point, he did perch on top of the front door and I tried swinging a giant candy cane decoration in his vicinity to scare him out the door. Back to the light fixture. He finally exited the house during one of our "we are brave enough to keep these lights off" moments. How did a finch get in our Christmas tree? A) Stew Leonard's (where we bought it) put it in there as a bonus thinking it was a partridge? B) Watson chased it in after using the bathroom when I wasn't looking? C) The finch thought it was supposed to migrate to warmer weather and chose the house? D) It snuck in amidst the fog of the burnt popcorn smoke? I'm going with option D.