The kids had their annual general physical exams today. I have no idea how we ended up on a fall schedule, but whatever the weather, the annual exam is always an adventure.
Of course, we started off the morning with Maddie questioning whether she was getting any shots. A question she repeated every five minutes until we got there, because I was giving her the "I don't know," instead of the "absolutely not" that she wanted.
We were late, of course, because the kids know annual exams mean needles and they did not want to get into the car for anything. The tardiness meant we had a nice extra long wait--45 minutes in the waiting room. Andrew was practically crawling up the walls in the waiting room by the time we got in. Too bad I can't blame the doctor for our lack of arriving on time, it would have been nice to have someone besides myself to be angry at in that moment.
I thought things were going well when Andrew immediately peed in the cup--something he wouldn't do last year. Maddie passed her vision test whilst Andrew urinated. Maddie then passed her hearing test and just when I thought it was going to be a banner year for the exams, we crashed and burned. Andrew either didn't get or chose to ignore the vision/hearing screening instructions; Maddie wouldn't pee. THEN, the nurse brought in the box of needles for the CBCs. That's right. The clueless nurse apparently thought that if one needle was going to scare them, a whole box would make them feel just peachy. To say Maddie freaked out would be putting it in mild terms.
I decided Andrew should be poked first, since I am convinced he would have been even more freaked out when Maddie was poked. Are you able to picture it? Does the vision in your head look like this?-- I am wrapped around Andrew holding him down for the finger poke and draw, while calming down Maddie with a very nurturing "You're not helping your brother. Stop screaming and suck it up! We're not even doing you yet!! Suck it up, suck it up.....SUCK IT UP!!!" Maddie's response? "screaming uncontrollably, screaming uncontrollably, screaming uncontrollably, etc...." She did not suck it up. On the contrary, she let it out, all throughout Andrew's poke, her poke and for 15 minutes afterward!! OK, it only felt like 15 minutes, but it did take her at least 5.
Part two, the doctor examined them. Then, just when we thought we would get to make a break for it, the doctor uttered these terrifying words, "Would you like them to get flu shots?" Me to doctor, "Oh, you have those available?" Me, in my mind: Oh crap, there's that word: shots. Look at their faces; they heard her. Oh, man. Will Maddie's head explode if she screams again? Maybe I'll just risk the flu. But Josh is diabetic. What to do, what to do? Finally the doctor cuts into my thoughts. "Mom? It's up to you? Do you want them to get the shots or not?" Arg-why does she keep saying shots! "Well, my husband is diabetic, so I guess the answer is yes?" And we were off to the races. Maddie immediately began chanting, "No, no, Mommy please." Andrew tucked himself into the corner of the room behind the examining table where he was well hidden.
Somehow, I was able to convince Maddie that shots were not as bad as the finger prick and she switched from begging to plotting. " Hurry, Mom, put a note on the door that says Bathroom, so the nurse won't know we're in here." She wasn't happy when I started laughing instead of putting up the note. The nurse walked in and Andrew started to walk out with the words "I'll be right back." The kid becomes so verbal when he's scared. He then switched to screaming, "HELP ME!! HELP ME!!" when I nixed the "be right back" plan. We got him done and then Maddie done. I thought we were finally at the finish line when I heard the nurse gasp and looked down to see Maddie's mouth was bleeding.
Then, we had to convince Maddie to let us look in her mouth. Luckily, the blood was from her remaining top tooth, which has been wiggly and became really loose during all her moving while getting her shot. The nurse helped wiggle the tooth to freedom with some gauze and put it in a clean cup for us. We were done! Off to the races, with completed medical forms, updated immunization records and one tooth in a lovely specimen cup.
Are you ready for the kicker? It's the best punch line ever. In the car, on the way out of the parking lot, Maddie says: "You know, Mom, next time if you don't have time to write bathroom on the door, just draw a picture of a man and woman. That tells you it's a bathroom, too."
Next year, Josh is going to take a personal day off from work to take them. It's a small price to pay for my sanity. Maybe Maddie can draw a sign for the bathroom and bring it with her. It's worth a try.
3 comments:
Wow. I would like to nominate this story for "Post of the Year".
Wendy should win some kind of award for her perseverance.
And I am truly sorry, Wendy, but yes, I did just laugh at your pain.
Loudly and heartily.
Seriously, it made me sad, but it seriously sounded like the script to a well written sitcom! Step aside, Tina Fey!!
i laughed heartily too (even though pat is trying to sleep in the same room as me right now). anyhoo, i have to tell you that my doctor's office always does the shot(s) at the very end and yes the nurse only brings the needles that will be used on a tray. not sure if this strategy would've made maddie anxious throughout the appointment, but i'm seeing the wisdom in it. yes, maddie's punchline is extrordinaire, but i would've also loved to have seen andrew's "i'll be right back." (seen as in be a fly in the wall not actually being full and present during the mess. actually i would've loved to have provided the extra hands you so needed, but i'm with next year send josh and we can both pretend from a distance we have no idea whose children those are).
Great story! I, too, vote for husbands to take the kids to the doctor. They have no idea what we go through, even after hearing our horror stories, huh! Taylor will be 5 in two weeks. He is in 5 day preschool, but for is check up this year, a few months ago, they offered to do his 5 year/kindergarten shots. I told them no because I'd already promised on my life Taylor that they weren't going to do shots, but I kind of wish now that they would have just done them. Taylor remembers the appointment and talks about it almost daily and reminds me that he is NOT going to go to kindergarten next year because he has to get shots. Sigh!
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